THE FISH WILL NEVER BE THE SAME, IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME, IT WILL NEVER BE

// Dead Fish ///////
In my performance I cut open a dead fish and empty its insides, illustrating inner change. After that, I fill it in with soil and a seed, because I want to show the creative destruction process; By destroying what the fish used to be from the inside, something new is created when I plant a seed in it. Something needs to be destroyed before something is created.
When I am done, I sew it closed carefully; One can see a scar, but not what changed on the inside. This is because inner change isn't visible to the naked eye, but that does not mean it’s not there.
The fish is dead because when we call a situation “a dead fish”, it’s usually hopeless, but I believe it can always change // be changed.

LEARNING PROCESS

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results."
-"Sudden Death" by Rita Mae Brown (1983; p. 68)

During my research I was watching movies and series, trying to observe/ track the pattern of behavior that one can change.

i don't want us to be a dead fish

a dead fish

a dead fish

American History X - when Derek meets Lamont (and realizes)

Oldboy - when Dae-su cuts out his tongue to protect Mi-do

shots of my notebook:

so something needs to be CHANGED

-----------------------------

-------------------

researching changes in Nature:

brainstorm #1 (notebook):

change takes time. or not? can change happen over night? what if the mask is projections? what if the mask is made out of something that changes according to the perspective of the camera? paper "melts" under water. "beauty mask".
everything changes all the time around us. everything is programmed to change. our appearance changes constantly. we cannot control that. we can control the inner situation, though. we want to stay young from the outside, and "old" and wise on the inside.

*Water!! (an element that changes forms)
*Fire. (it doesn't change itself, but changes everything, eventually)
*Sand. (it used to be rocks)
*Plants. they grow.

"It's a neat idea, and one that has caught the popular imagination. Here's how the story goes: Every seven years (or 10, depending on which story you hear) we become essentially new people, because in that time, every cell in your body has been replaced by a new cell. Don't you feel younger than you were seven years ago?"

"The life span of the average cell is about 250 -4- 50 hours, although
some cells have a much shorter and others a much longer life span. These studies suggest
that the cells within the taste bud, as well as the nerves, undergo considerable change with time. "

Conclusion #1:

Change can be

a. Natural
b. Accident
c. Choice

observing changes in Movie Characters:

reading about Change:

"I re formulated
I don't know when,
date,time,all
that
but the change
occured.
something in me
relaxed, smoothed
out.
i no longer had to
prove that i was a
man,

I did'nt have to prove
anything.

I began to see things:
coffe cups lined up
behind a counter in a
cafe.
or a dog walking along
a sidewalk.
or the way the mouse
on my dresser top
stopped there "

Let it enfold you -Charles Bukowski

"And once the storm's over, you won't remember how you made it through... You won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm is all about."
-Haruki Murakami

"I have not failed,
I have just found
10.000 ways that won't work."
-Thomas A. Edison

brainstorm #2 (notebook):

INNER CHANGE----
Change matters to me when it's a CHOICE. Not nature, not biology, not an accident, but a CHOICE.
WHY do we feel the need to choose to change something? Because we want to IMPROVE something. Thus, choice to change<---->need

CONCLUSIVE DIAGRAM:

1. DISCOVERY

2. DECISION

3. CHOICE

4. CHANGE

(After we learnt something)

(Theory: Decision)

(Practice: Making the right choice)

(Maintain the change)

brainstorm #3 (notebook):

THUS: before society DISCOVERS how messed up it is, it WILL NOT CHANGE.
>>>>>history flashback<<<<<

LEARNING PROCESS: if we do not learn from our bad (& good) choices, we will be repeating the same (mistakes?) pattern over and over again.
Discovery exists without change- change doesn't exist without discovery.
Is change about repairing / upgrading?
diving to the unknown, take the chance, try your luck. what does lead to change? -decoding/analyzing it- TRY!! Courage, Effort, Energy
---> Connected to the unknown. What does it take to change?
boobs? topless? boobs are changing. --but I am interested in the inner change!--

EXPERIMENT:

Halfway my research I decided that I wanted to make an experiment, and try to keep documentation of something that changes, inspired by Noah's Kalina daily portrait project. I got interested in the way breasts change during the menstrual circle, and took a picture of mine every day during Christmas holidays.

brainstorm #4 (notebook):

the journey to find ourselves? if we recognize our faults, our "errors" as people, as society, we can change. I'm talking about the change for IMPROVEMENT. Being in constant questioning, respecting yourself, keep forming it over and over again, until you're satisfied with the result, until you find something new that needs improvement or destruction. you are a living organism, you will develop parasites that'll try to eat you, you'll need to get rid of them. You'll need to cut branches so you can grow, you'll need to survive the cold, so you can bloom again. you are alive. you are alive.

you are alive.

brainstorm #5 (notebook):

I'm insterested in Change as a choice.
Stages: 1. Before 2. During 3. After

Mainly before? What does it take to decide to change something consciously? I'm interested in the change that you make consciously for self-improvement, & all the process that it takes. All the effort (try) you put in it, and all of the unseen struggle and pain you experience 'till you achieve it. All the inner work you need to do BEFORE the change itself occurs. The change of state.

Conclusion #2:

-Unknown
-Try (courage, effort, energy)
-Creation <-> Destruction
-Discovery

To sum up:

before change

change

after change

Focusing on the relation between CREATION - DESTRUCTION

"Every act of creation is first an act of destruction."
-P. Picasso

"The urge for destruction is also a creative urge."
-M. Bakunin

"Every act of creation is first an act of destruction."
-P. Picasso

"In creative processes, where something is going to take birth, yes, something is going to be destroyed! And I am all for that destruction which lays the foundation for creativity. I don't call it destructive, I call it creative destruction."
-Osho, "From misery to enlightenment"

AESTHETIC:

YELLOW

my theme could look a bit dark, so I chose yellow as its main color, because it's the lightest and brightest color on the Basic Color Wheel and in the full spectrum of light. it creates a sense of luminosity and therefore it suggests that the theme is also optimistic apart from melancholic, and it balances up the elements.

"There is not much point in writing a novel unless you can show the possibility of moral transformation, or an increase in wisdom, operating in your chief character or characters." —Anthony Burgess